Dreams or Nightmares

Dreams or Nightmares

What are my biggest dreams in life? Things that I could only dream of accomplishing. Places I would love to see myself in ten, or twenty, or thirty years. A life that I could only imagine. 

I feel like everyone has a dream job or something that they strive to accomplish in their life. Something so spectacular they could only dream of.

I don't have one of those.

If someone were to ask me what my dream job is I wouldn't know what to say... I guess I would say something like working on a movie set with the hair, makeup, or wardrobe crew. But I'm not sure that's really what I want to do.

How about the biggest goal I have in life? Something I only dream to accomplish? I don't know, maybe I would say I want to change the world and inspire people. But in what ways would I change it? And there is nothing inspiring about me.

I tend to live in the here and the now of life and that's because I constantly worry about my future. And I finally figured out why I worry so much.

I'm scared of the unknown. I'm scared of what I can't control. I'm scared of my future.

If someone were to ask me what my biggest fear is my answer wouldn't be heights, or public speaking, or spiders. 

It would be my future. Because I'm terrified of it.

I know I'm not alone feeling like this. People who I love and trust have told me that I'm not the only teenager who doesn't know want they want to do with their life. But why do I often feel like I am?

Girls are supposed to dream. About college, their career, their wedding day. But what should be a dream for me is more like a nightmare.

I have to trust God with everything I have. Although I don't know what my future holds, I know who holds my future. God is in control and he has a plan for me. As long as I give him the keys to my life, he will take me down his path and I have to trust him, even if there are some bumps along the way. 

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

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This is not the kind of post I normally do. I don't normally open up like this, not even offline. But I thought maybe I should share what God has been teaching me over the past couple years. It honestly feels like he has been teaching me this forever and I continue to struggle with it every day. Maybe there is someone out there that needed to hear this and maybe I can encourage them, even in a small way.